Jokes

SEE YOUR MOUTH
At the end of a job interview, the Human Resource Manager asked the young engineer (fresh graduate) how much he is considering for a start up salary? The guy said: 30 million per annum with other packages, the human resource manager replied: well, what will you say to a package of 40million per annum, 6weeks paid vacation with first class ticket to anywhere in the world, full medical costs and a Range Rovers as official car. The guy sat straight up and said "OGA NA JOKE", the Manager replied: "YES NOW", No be you start am.......


JEALOUSY

A wife knew her husband was sleeping with their maid,so she laid a trap. She sent the maid to the village for weekend and didn't tell her husband. That night they went to bed. The husband woke up and gave his old story. "Excuse me dear,i want to watch Tv in the parlor", he went to the parlor first. Shortly,wife snicked into the maid room,stripped and laid on the bed light off. She heard him come in silently & wasted no time with  words & started making luv wit her since she was Unclad. When he finished, the wife said to him, "God has exposed you, you didn't expect me on this bed, did you"? She then switched on the light. "No Madam!!!" said d gate man, am sorry i no no sey na you.

DUMMYCRACY 

Pa James met with the Queen of England. He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there... any tips you can give to me? I want to help NIGER AREA" "Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Pa James frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen took a sip off her cup of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom.  "Please ... send  Tony Blair in here, would you?" Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your  Majesty?" The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please. Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me." "Yes! Very good," said the Queen. Pa James went back home to ask Sule, his vice the same question. "Sule, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure,said Sule. "Let me get back to you on that one..." He went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally, one night, he ran into FELA, Sule asked, “FELA, can you answer this for me? Your mother and  father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" FELA answered sharply, "That's easy, it's me!" Sule smiled, and said,"Thanks!" Then, he went back to Pa James, Sir,I did some  research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's FELA!" Pa James got up angrily,frowning he said to Sule. No wonder NIGER AREA isn't moving forward, I don't have intelligent people around me. !You Dummy! The answer is Tony Blair!!!!......

WETIN MAN GO DO
Son:Dad I'm going 4 my Exam.
Dad:ok son, I wish u GoodLuck.
Son:God forbid! abeg wish me someone else, i dont want him 2 remove subsidy from dis exam.
Dad:ok, I wish U obama.
Son: Thanks Dad ,c u later. 
Dad:.............................

I WONT PAY 

Mrs Patience jonathan went out 4 drinks wit some of the top women. Waiter brings their bill!

Mrs jonathan: 10,400

Ngozi okonjo: 10,250

Dora akunyili:10,450

Alison Madueke:10,200

Total: 41,300

She says: I'll pay 4 everyone else, but Total must pay 4 herself (41,300) bcos I didn't invite her, afterall she owns petrol stations all over naija. (by 

Ajiamah Brightwell)

Nigeria's Prisident Wife (wife Of Jonathan Goodlock) Top Ten Blunders!
1. My Husband and Sambo is a good people.
2. The President was once a Child and the Senators were once a Children.
3. My Fellow Widows.
4. A Good Mother takes care of his Children.
5. The people sitting before you here were once a Children.
6. Yes we are all happy for the effort,it is not easy to carry second in an international competition like this one – Addressing Press men after Female Under 19 Fifa World Cup.
7. The Bombers who born them?wasn’t it not a woman? They were once a Children now a adult now they are bombing women and children making some children a widow.
8. My Heart feels sorry for these Children who have become Widows by losing their Parents for one reason or another.
9. We should have love for our fellow Nigerians irrespective of their NATIONALITY.
10.vote UMBLERRA and press your finger for UMBLERRA.

RESPONSIBILITY

Three (3) men took their wives for delivery, shortly a nurse came out and asked, who is JOSEPH
that works with THREE CROWN COMPANY
The man stood up, Congratulations, said the nurse; your wife just gave birth to 3
bouncing babies
Some minutes later another nurse came out and asked, who is JOHN that works in with 7UP,
The man stood up, congratulations, said the nurse; your wife just delivered 7 bouncing babies
............immediately the third man heard this, he took off........poor dude works with 33 lager bear

WHAT A SURPRISE 

A 19yr old girl was asked to fill a form, and this is what she wrote
Name: Ekaete
Age: 19
Sex: Twice Daily
what is this LIFE turning to.....................

BASTARD

Pls read through this converastion …

GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.

PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?

GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist kissed the girl

GIRL: ......Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, he put his hand in my top.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top

GIRL:Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, he took my clothes off.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes

GIRL:Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, he had sex with me!

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist had sex with the girl

GIRL:.Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, then he told me he has AIDS.

PSYCHIATRIST:BASTARDDDDDD!!!!!