Man's Success is not measured by what he has achieved,but by what he has overcome while trying to succeed.............A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A stupid person makes it...............You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore...................

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Monday, 26 September 2011

LIFE

LIFE
God created the donkey and said to him, "You will be a donkey. You will work untiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered, "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20."
God granted his wish.

God created the dog and said to him, "You will guard the house of Man. You will be his best friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog."
The dog answered, "Sir, to live 30 years is too much. Give me only 15."
God granted his wish.

God created the monkey and said to him, "You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. You will be a monkey."
The monkey answered, "To live 20 years is too much. Give me only 10."
God granted his wish.

Finally god created man, and said to him, "You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."

Man responded, "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.
God granted man's wish....

And since then...
Man lives 20 years as a man,
marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown...
he lives 15 years like a dog,
taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire
and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another,
doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren

That's LIFE

AM FROM UGANDA


AM FROM UGANDA
 A Nigerian man living in Sweden decided to marry a Swedish lady in order to be legally certified via resident status... but the lady was not aware of this. She felt he really loved her. Anyway, seeing that Nigerian men had a bad rep in that particular part of Sweden, our chap decided to lie to the lady. He told her he was from Uganda.

 Upon marriage, the lady came home one day and informed our man that she had just met another Swedish lady who had married a Ugandan and they must all have dinner together.

 The Naija man was somewhat perplexed, although not perceptibly, and wondered how he'd get out of this spot. He postponed and postponed until he could do so no more.

 Finally, the day came when they were to have dinner. The other Swede came in with her Ugandan husband and they all sat at the table. Our Naija chappie was very quiet. "My own don spoil today" was all he could think.

 The two Swedish ladies, wanting their husbands to mingle, being from the same homeland, asked them to speak to each other. "Hey! It's not every day you meet people from home.!" they admonished.

 Our Naija man, being a man of great savvy, decided that he would just speak Yoruba, and the guy would probably assume he was from some part of Uganda where they spoke a different language. So looking across the table he said: "Egbon Eko ni mi, Ni bo lo ti  wa?" In Yoruba, this loosely translates to: "I'm a Lagosian, Where did you come from?" Remember, Lagos is a state in Nigeria, and it used to be the capital.

 The fellow looked up at our friend. His eyes lit up as he said: "Ah, bobo mi! Omo Eko ni mi o! Omo Eko gan gan!" In Yoruba, this loosely translates to "Hey buddy! I'm a Lagosian. A REAL Lagosian!"

HOW TO PLAY MUSIC ON YOUR BLOG

HOW TO PLAY MUSIC ON YOUR BLOG
Playing music on your blog has become something of a great interest to me, but finds it difficult to do in the past. Now the problem has been resolved and I have decided to make it availabe to you is the simplest way i can.
let's get started
copy the code below

FOR AUTOPLAY (copy this)

<script type="text/javascript" src="http://o.aolcdn.com/os_merge/?file=/streampad/sp-player.js&file=/streampad/sp-player-blogger.js&expsec=86400&ver=11&clickimg=true&autoplay=true&showpop=false"></script>

PLAY MANUALLY (copy this)


<script type="text/javascript" src="http://o.aolcdn.com/os_merge/?file=/streampad/sp-player.js&file=/streampad/sp-player-blogger.js&expsec=86400&ver=11&clickimg=true&autoplay=false&showpop=false"></script>

Now, paste it  into your blog:
Paste it in the sidebar (Blogger -> Design -> Page Elements -> "Add a Gadget -> HTML/JavaScript") not the title but the body to play the songs site-wide

Now you need to create your own playlist, and to do this just copy the code below

PLAYLIST
<a href="http://DIRECT_LINK_TO_SONG_1" style="display:none;">Song_1_Title</a>
<a href="http://DIRECT_LINK_TO_SONG_2" style="display:none;">Song_2_Title</a>

Paste it in the sidebar (Blogger -> Design -> Page Elements -> "Add a Gadget -> HTML/JavaScript") not the title but the body and that will be the second GADGET

For now i will give u my own link for a song or two and in my next post, i will teach you how to customize your own playlist

MY PLAYLIST (Insert this instead of the above playlist for now)
<a href="http://samsany2003.opendrive.com/files/46185281_P60XS/e%20be%20like%20say.mp3" style="display:none;">E BE LIKE SAY 2FACE</a>
<a href="http://samsany2003.opendrive.com/files/46003349_s9qsJ/ice_prince_superstar_mp3_68685.mp3" style="display:none;">SUPERSTAR</a>
<a href="http://samsany2003.opendrive.com/files/46005157_u7HZF/Samklef%20-%20Molowo%20Noni%20ft.%20(Wizkid,%20D'prince%20&%20Ice%20Prince).mp3" style="display:none;">MOLOWO NONI</a>

You can now press SAVE button and VIEW your BLOG
Sit back and ENJOY
P.S:  if your connection is not fast enough you may find it difficult to enjoy music...GOODLUCK

PLEASE LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS

E BE LIKE SAY 2FACE





Thursday, 22 September 2011

BASTARD


BASTARD
Pls read through this converastion …
GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.

PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?

GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist kissed the girl

GIRL: ......Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, he put his hand in my top.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top

GIRL:Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, he took my clothes off.

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes

GIRL:Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, he had sex with me!

PSYCHIATRIST:You mean like this? The psychiatrist had sex with the girl

GIRL:.Yes!

PSYCHIATRIST:Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.

GIRL:But, then he told me he has AIDS.

PSYCHIATRIST:BASTARDDDDDD!!!!!

Monday, 19 September 2011

SMART CONTRACTOR

SMART CONTRACTOR
Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from Nigeria, another from Germany, and the third from France.

 At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.

 When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it & give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

 First to step up was the German contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

 Next was the French contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

 Without so much as moving, the Nigerian contractor said, "$2,700."

 The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

 "Easy," he said. "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from France."

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY- THE BIGGEST FREEDOM


Let's go for a bus ride, shall we?
You've actually been traveling in this bus for quite some time already.
This bus is called your life.

It has a destination plate on the front.
You have simply never read it before, as you're not accustomed to being on the outside of your bus.

You choose who's driving, while you're hanging around and enjoying the ride.

Some choose their mother or father (or both) to drive their bus; others nominate a social, political or spiritual figure to drive their bus, whilst others choose a significant other.

In fact, most people I know nominate another to drive THEIR bus.
The driver may change over the years or as a result of different events.

For a while, you may even nominate your physician or therapist to be the driver of your bus, perhaps even your lawyer or accountant.

In most instances, you choose experienced drivers.
They know how to shift the gears, use the blinkers and operate the radio.

Since you don't know your destination, they'll take you where they think you ought to be going. It will ultimately be their choice of destination.

And while your designated driver drives, you can enjoy the ride. Walking from the first row to the last one, living happily (or not) in your little bus, called life.

Since you have nothing of significance to do, you may get a little bored.Most people do.

Some fall asleep, hoping to fall into an interesting dream.
Some fill the emptiness with anything they can find in the mini-bar of the bus.

Others still, turn on the little blue box at the rear of the bus, staring at the moving pictures, describing other people and their bus journeys.

It's not until many years and as many miles down the road that the realization dawns upon them, "Hey, I'm missing my journey".
I see it everyday.

Some wake up 5 or 10 years too late only to discover that while their spouse drove their bus, they missed their children's early years.
Others wake up with a bang, usually around their forties to realize that while their boss was driving their bus, they forgot what youth, playfulness and joy were.

Most people are afraid to drive their own bus.
They believe that they're not capable. Not good enough.
They were conditioned to believe that others know better.
Some think that they have no choice. They were born with a driver and that's life.

For many it's comforting to know, that there's always someone else to blame for any bump in the road or a turn that leads to a dead-end.

However, there are also consequences and costs for not driving your bus...

You feel powerlessness as a direct result of not having control over your life.

You are traveling in a direction that in reality has nothing to do with where you really wish to be... your destination.
Usually your driver chooses the radio station he or she likes. And this constant background music might not be to your liking.
And most of all, traveling as a passenger in your own bus is infinitely boring and unfulfilling.

So, how about taking the steering wheel in your own hands.
Give your driver a 15-second-notice and then throw him or her off your bus.
See what happens.

When you sit in front, you'll see the road ahead of you.
You're not that busy with all that surround you from the sides.
You don't spend valuable time, looking back through the rear window.

Everything is new, fresh and exciting.
The bumps on the way are still there, but this time you choose how to handle them.You can even choose your favorite radio station.

I can hear some of you screaming from the back, "God is my shepherd, God is my designated driver!"
Well folks, here's a newsflash: if God is your shepherd, then his job is to navigate, not to drive!

Make friends with God, Spirit, the Universe, your Higher-Self - whatever you want to name it. Invite him (her) to sit next to you and ask him what's your destination. He knows it.
Then, along the way, you can ask him what's the best turn here and there... and listen carefully.

When you get the answer - it is still YOU who choose to follow the directions, or turn the other way.

Remember, the destination is only an excuse for the journey.
So, enjoy the ride.

PS. Wanna know what is written on the destination plate of YOUR bus?

It says... freedom!

Making a Difference

Making a difference is like throwing a pebble in a pool. The ripples spread from the center to larger and larger circles of influence. It begins within you. 

We're living in an exciting period. Human consciousness is expanding so fast that the future is no longer predictable.
Someone has to start and lead the way, creating a better world. What about you?

Waiting for a hero to take you by the hand and lead you is choosing to remain a victim or a child. It is time we grow up and take responsibility for our own life.

This is the season to say goodbye to the past year and welcome in the new. It is a time for self-exploration and asking questions about where we want to go from here.

We all have a purpose even if we don't know what it is yet. What better time to find out than today?   

NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING



Are you sure that the way you perceive things is the way they really are? Are you willing to challenge the norm in order to succeed?
Making assumptions is something we all do in many areas of our lives. An assumption is “something taken for granted or accepted as true without proof.” In other words, it is belief without proof.

NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING

Glo Latest Free Browsing Cheat

With glo you can start browsing absolutely free, with any application! Continue reading Glo Latest Free Browsing Cheat! 1. You have to send sms for the Glo Direct settings on your Phone before you can start browsing for free. 2. To Request for the glo Settings, Go to Message and Type the Make of your Phone [space] Phone Model , Send it to 927 example message to send: Nokia7610 to 927. wait for some few minutes and 3. You will Receive two Different Settings from Glo, Just Activate the Glo Direct Settings on your Phone to start getting reading to browse absolutely free! 4. Now Load Glo N100 Recharge Card to your Phone, or u get an active data bundle of ur choice and make "glosecure" as ur access point Do you know that you can start browsing free? Without doing any more tweak? Yes enjoy the free browsing with glo while it last. * Now you can Start Browsing, Your Money and ur active data bundle will not be Deducted, It works well on all Application and even on PC with Modem or via Bluetooth/Cable. Important Notice: You must be on Glo Infinito Package to Enjoy this free browsing! And i know you will want to know how to activate your Glo Infinito? Fine. You can Activate Glo Infinito Package by Dialing *100*9*1# on your Phone

A SMILE

A smile is the light in your window that tells others that there is a caring, sharing person inside.
Life is short but a smile takes barely a second.
Every tear has a smile behind it.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
A good neighbor is a fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn't climb over it.
If you see a friend without a smile; give him one of yours.
A smile starts on the lips, A grin spreads to the eyes, A chuckle comes from the belly; But a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, Overflows, and bubbles all around
Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful.
Too often we underestimate the power of a smile, which have the potential to turn a life around.
Smiles are the language of love.
The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.
A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks
All people smile in the same language.
Children smile on the average 400 times/day; Adults: 15 times/day.. Ever wonder why?
A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.
If I thought that a smile of mine, might linger the whole day through and lighten some heart with a heavier part, I'd not withhold it -- Would you? ??
Smile becoz God gave Human this beautiful gift - A Smile....

Saturday, 17 September 2011

How To : Restore Files Hidden by Virus on Windows 7

Some virus do hide file and folder in flashdisk that connected to a computer or laptop infected by virus. And then we tried to scan the flashdisk using antivirus program. We are very happy because antivirus can detect and remove virus in the flashdisk, but it doesn’t return our files and folder hidden by the virus. I hope the virus did not delete the files, just make it hidden. If your files was deleted by virus, we need a tool to restore files. If the files was hidden, we need to restore our files manually using command prompt. This tutorial is for Windows 7 user.
Virus has modified the attribut of folders and files to be hidden. So, we will try to modify the folders and files attribut to restore.
Open command prompt from START MENU > RUN. Type CMD and hit enter. Go to the drive, for example your flashdisk is on drive E. Type “e:” and enter.
The command we use to restore files is ATTRIB. Type this command :
attrib –s –h *.* /S /D and hit enter.
Finished. If you want the easier way to restore your files, you could use Smadav Antivirus. It can detect hidden files in your flashdisk and restore them

To download Smadav Antivirus click the link below

smadav download

leave a comment

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

The bride tells her husband

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!...............LMFAO

Impossible to Please

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

From A Mother With Love

Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

Billing

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."

Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!" 

101 Ways To Annoy People

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

 A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!

Saturday, 10 September 2011

Control your PC with your twitter Account

All you need is a twitter account, Gmail account.

follow the link below and download the tweetmypc software


run the installation and configure it by inserting your account details
dont forget to click the start automatically,So that you can always Control your PC once it is ON and Online.

Your PC must be Connected to the Internet before you can control it with twitter from your phone, or another PC

Click on save and Hide and you are good to go

<b>BELLOW ARE THE COMMANDS THAT WORKS WITH IT</b>

ALL You need to do is Update your Twitter Status with any of the command
you want!
1. ShutDown: To remotely shutdown your computer
2. Logoff: To remotely logoff your computer.
3. Reboot: To remotely reboot your PC
4. Lock: To remotely lock down your PC
5. Hibernate: To remotely hibernate your PC
6. Standby: To remotely put your PC in standby mode
7. Screenshot: A very interesting feature. When you update your Status with this
command, TweetMyPC will take a screenshot of your PC and will post it on Twitter.

Try this and you will be amazed...........
dont forget your PC must be connected before you can control from your twitter account from your phone or another PC